So now I can be found here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/catcherinthelye/

So... today I got accepted to Rutgers University.

First college acceptance :)

~23 days until I find out about my early decision school.



Also, I spent twenty minutes cleaning my computer keyboard. It gets dust stuck in between the keys so I use an index card and an envelope to scrape out the dust and miscellany. This is more pleasant than school, really. I have to memorize a sonnet (by the Shakeitlikeaspeare) for tomorrow, which isn't so inherently bad but I already have a lot of work. but I like it. Listen...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

(Sonnet 116)

I also have to memorize a bunch of environmental cycles. Phosphorus, water, sulfur, carbon, nitrogen. I will surely forget all of these cycles by Sunday. Oh, school... that's how it goes.

My aunt and uncle were trying to figure out what English name to give their youngest daughter (4 years old), so I was helping out. They like Ashley, Holly, Hope, and Hailey. Pretty names... but the girl herself, when asked about what she wanted to be named, said "Canda." Like Panda and Candy combined for CANDA. At first I thought she said CANADA lol... but no, apparently she wants Canda. Her father was laughing about naming her "Holiday." I suggested "Summer" too, until I realized their last name was Sun. Summer Sun? Holiday Sun? Canda Sun? Sunny Sun!! I think their last name is actually more like "Soong" but I guess they spelled it differently.

yeah, so still no name yet.

Last night's dream was nightmare-like. I was in my first period classroom, but the teacher was my environmental science teacher, and she kept on insisting that I had said something horrible to this guy John and that I was a "bad person." I was getting really upset over this because I didn't think I was a bad person at all and I never said anything bad enough to make someone publically denounce me like that. She kept scolding me as she was typing on her laptop (because all of the teachers in my school have laptops) and I didn't understand what she was getting at and kept asking her why I was a bad person. But then she'd be all like "Ohhh I think you know!" And I'd get even more upset. Finally I just asked, "Ugh can you at least tell me what I said?!" And she'd be like "John Zhang! You told him he had no morals after reading his essay! RC and CZ told me!" Then I thought "HOW the hell does that make me a bad person?!" and argued back that "It's not an insult to someone to tell them that they are amoral! Besides, we all have different systems of morality!" (Not the best argument in the world, lol.) And then the teacher got all quiet and by now I was in tears that RC and CZ had betrayed me and that everyone misunderstood me and I looked back at the classroom and SC just looked at me indifferently. At some point my mind in my dream began imagining (?) things and I saw one of the halls in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (the huge, airy one with mosaics, I believe) except it was now fashioned as a school entryway, all tiled and bland-looking with RC and CZ walking across it and talking about what I had said (and they had misunderstood it too). Then John Zhang walked in and he didn't seem upset with me at all.


????

i was going through old journals tonight. (oh dear god, haha.) it was funny because the entries were written by a neurotic, but embarrassing because I was the neurotic. nearly everything i wrote in 11th grade or back (to ~8th grade) was amazingly trite, stupid, or pretentious. good god. i can laugh now but i guess in another 3 years i'll look back on my 12th grade entries with an incredibly urge to just delete them and forget all about them. i mean, i did forget about a lot of what i was bitching about 3 years ago (before i read my old journals) but actually reading it makes me realize i was, for the most part, horribly irritating. god i was such a tool. i would probably smack that ho up. i apologize to all of you who knew me then for being so bloody annoying and angsty.

i guess if i could change anything about those past 3 years... it would be to keep my journal to myself. it's not like i could have avoided the angst (considering both my temperament and my environment), but the least i could have done was let it be a private affair. i don't know why i posted all that online -- maybe i was hoping for empathy or advice, i don't know. considering my annoyingness, i don't think i got much empathy, but i did get some advice. and i did try to follow it, though apparently without much success. it is hard to follow advice because a change in yourself really has to come from yourself, as cliche as that seems. so i guess the most important aspect of exposing my personal thoughts to the world was that constantly facing the judgments of others catalyzed my mental... maturity, i guess. there's something almost threatening about other people reading your thoughts and feelings as best as you can express them; i was left wondering whether what i was doing or thinking was "right," or "wrong," or sane/insane/etc. it made me examine and judge myself more often, and more harshly. partly as a result of that, i matured and mellowed. i don't know if i've gotten any wiser, but i'm at least happier.

so maybe it wasn't so bad. some maturity at the cost of some... dignity. painful but worth it, i suppose. thanks guys. :)

(ps: please don't ever try to find or read my old journal entries!)

yeah so every so often i get the urge to change usernames.

I AM GETTING THE URGE NOW.

Repress or Let Go?





i mean like should I change my LJ username? not like i have a bunch of friends on this thing to inform anyway.

There are 242 words are in my essay so far. The limit is 500. Leave it to me to come up with a brand new essay idea days before my application is due. Oh well. It's a risk and I'm taking it.

I have trouble writing in one spurt. I need to take breaks. (Hence this LJ entry.) Part of my trouble is I write up to a certain point and think my essay is pretty meaningless. Or I am unsure about what I want to say. I never understood how people managed to construct outlines and stick to them. I tried doing that for this essay and I'm straying pretty far from it. I suppose the natural, unstructured approach works best for me.

242/500. Please equal 1... soon.

time, time. tiiiimeeee. ti me. time. TIME! time? time time time time. time emit. emit. emit time... t i m e. ttttt iiiii mmmmm eeeee. i, me, time. it, me, time. tie time. time! time! time! time! time! te item. IM time. TIME: ie time. ............................................. time.

oh college board. css profile...

"When you submit your application you will be charged $5.00 for registration, a reporting fee of $18.00 for each college or scholarship program selected, and if you order our book, Meeting College Costs, the discounted price of $11.95. You can pay with a valid credit card, debit card (VISA or MasterCard), or check. A limited number of fee waivers will be awarded automatically to first-time applicants from very low income families who qualify based on the information provided on the PROFILE."